I’m sorry, Alex
Well it’s been 9 days since I first broke the Spamgate scandal. I’ve revealed some of the casts’ attitude towards our beloved delicacy, including Masi Oka, Grace Park, and especially from the main man himself, Alex O’Loughlin.
I’ve abandoned hope trying to communicate my unhappiness to the cast and crew, so I extend to Alex a gesture of aloha and goodwill in this open letter.
Dear Mr. O’Loughlin
I’m sorry that I overreacted to your comments about Spam. I was speaking in the heat of the moment, but now have come to realize your palate is no doubt highly refined, and that you must keep your body in excellent shape for the contractual shirtless scenes. We, the people of Hawaii do not want to be personally responsible for any Spam handles that you may develop. You said in an interview you haven’t worked out since you’ve been filming, and a Spam infused diet will certainly not help. I totally respect that.
I do ask though, that you do not disparage our “haute cuisine”. I also ask that maybe if you try a little bit, just a bite a day, you may come to appreciate what we in Hawaii already know – that Spam is awesome. Perhaps if you ate it in a comfortable surrounding, somewhere that reminds you of home, like Outback Steakhouse, it may please your palate. They can even bring you some Vegemite to spread on if that helps.
Also, I would like to respectfully suggest to you, Mr. Lenkov, Mr. Orci and Mr. Kurtzman, in a gesture of goodwill, allow the fine line of Spam products to be tactfully and surreptitiously placed into the show. I know blowing up a brand new Chevy vehicle every week can be costly, so an advertising contract with Spam would be mutually beneficial.
Here are some suggestions for Spam product placement, that is very tasteful and inconspicuous:
Warmest regards and Aloha,
AND NOW A SPAMERIFIC ANNOUNCEMENT – THE SPAMTASTIC PHOTO CONTEST!
Something You Didn’t Know About Spam
If you’re wondering why Spam is such a big deal in Hawaii, and why something like Spam is even offered at McDonald’s, allow me to explain. During World War II, beef was a high priced commodity saved for the military. Fishing vessels were not allowed to leave very far off shore (for fear of spying/subversion). The only meat item that could be reliably transported across the Pacific was something canned and with a long shelf life, and you guessed it – Something Passing as Meat, also known as Hawaiian Steak, also known as Spam. Since then, Hawaii never gave it up. And now you know!! 😉
…and if you’re still reading…
The Spamgate scandal is done in satire and parody! Alex can eat whatever he wants! I hope you’re enjoying the Spamtabulous fun I’m having! 😉 😉 😉