“Things We Learned About Hawaii From Hawaii Five-0″, Episode 5, Nalowale, updated rerun edition

Props to the writers

I read a lot of blogs and reviews stating how the writing is sometimes poor, the dialog clunky, and the use of pidgin bad, but this episode shows how stellar the writing can be.  The story had a neat twist in the end, with the supposed good guys (the kidnap and ransom specialists) impeding the rescue of the diplomat’s daughter.   On top of that, the writers thought up some of the cleverest lines of the season so far in this episode:

Catherine (surprised by Mary Ann):  “Oh God!”
Mary Ann:  “Yeah you said that a lot last night.”

McG:  “You made it to double pretzel?”
Danno:  “Triple banana, b****!”

Let’s hope for more of the same the rest of the season!

Golden Guy Scott Caan

Good writing is nothing if an actor can’t deliver it right.  Scott Caan is up for a Golden Globe Award for Best Supporting Actor because he delivers perfectly.  I mentioned before that I don’t think that the writers were deliberately centering the stories on him or writing the best lines for him, but Scott takes what’s written and runs with it.  My favorite scene in this episode happens at the Zephyr lounge where he had a string of brilliantly written and delivered lines.

“Two very attractive ladies are eye humping you, respectfully, and what…nothing?”
“If that was my daughter, I would bust every single one of his fingers one at a time.”
(Headlocking the clubber)  “Drink that drink or I’ll bust your teeth and pour it down your throat.”

In another post I wrote that Scott acts with the same flair as his father James Caan.  With that last line, I didn’t know if I was watching Sonny Corleone (James Caan, from “The Godfather) or Danny Williams.  In his own right, Scott Caan definitely deserves the nomination and I’ll be pulling for him on January 16th, the night of the Golden Globe Awards.

The measure of a man – a lesson in sociology

We see McG and Danno always competing and bantering with each other.  This episode is no different with the Ms. Pac Man dialog.    Men have always had different ways of exhibiting dominance over other men.  This happens for both men and animals… peacocks fan their tails, rhinos butt horns, but men…are a little more sophisticated.  Here’s the subtle competition of machismo that we’ve seen so far between McG and Danno, each category with a declared winner:

Exhibition of physical strength: In the Pilot, Danno jabs McG in the chest, McG puts Danno in a submission hold, followed by Danno punching McG in the kisser.  Most world cultures regard a physical contest between two males as the ultimate contest for superiority.  Advantage: McG for SEAL training.

Exhibition of physical appearance: In “Malama Ka Aina”, both McG and Danno dress to impress and look sharp in tuxes as they go undercover to a high end gambling house.  Another guest at the house tries to order a drink from Danno… he looks at McG and says “Why do you look like James Bond, and I look like a waiter?”  In Western Cultures, outward appearance counts heavily in authority and courtship.  Advantage:  Slight edge to McG for height and devilishly good looks.  Danno is handsome as well, but gets a point docked for being scruffy looking.

Exhibition of intellectual capacity: In Prepubescent Male Nerd Culture, one’s ability to transcend the bounds of video gaming and advancing beyond what mere mortal gamers achieve is worthy of respect of other Nerds.  Hence, Danno’s ability to acheive Triple Banana level on Ms. Pac Man is definitely noteworthy (he went twice as far as McG’s “Double Pretzel” level).  Advantage:  Danno for being a gaming guru, also bonus points for witty sarcasm.

Exhibition of the physical male “attribute”:  David’s “attribute” is prominently on display at the Uffizi gallery in Florence.

Michaelangelo's David

Michelangelo's David

The “attribute” of Rodin’s Thinker is carefully tucked away because of his sitting posture but can be seen at the right angle.

Rodin's Thinker

Rodin's Thinker

Lying on his back, Adam’s “attribute” is in full display on the Sistine Chapel’s ceiling.

Michelangelo's Creation of Adam

Michelangelo's Creation of Adam

The measure of a man’s  “attribute” is the singular difference between two men.  Ladies, grab a ruler and get ready to measure.  Their feet that is.  Many African Cultures value the worth of a man by their ability to run long distances-just look at any marathon’s winners, they’re all Africans.   Likewise, McG and Danno’s physical endurance in running is critical in their pursuit of bad guys.  Advantage:  Unknown.  No one’s asked either of them to whip it out (their feet, that is).

So with a score of 2 to 1, McG edges out Danno, making him the big kahuna, the big man on campus, and well, the cock of the walk.

If you guys are thinking about any other male attribute, you need to get your mind out of the gutter.  This is a family show! 😉 😉 😉

And now, “Things We Learned About Hawaii From Hawaii Five-0″, Episode 5, Nalowale

1)  Filipino radicals are the weakest and inept of  all terrorists.  They fall down with one hit to the head, or one tap on the knee.

2)  If you’re from Hawaii, and you have to ask “Hey what club was that McGarrett and Danno went to?”  YOU’RE OLD.  You’re obviously not young or hip enough to know that is the new Ocean’s 808 club.  If your response to that was “Oh you mean the Ocean Club, I remember that place from my college days!”, I rest my case.

Did you notice…?

We have awesome cell phone reception 50 feet underwater!  I was expecting the mother to turn to her son and say, “Well son, you know with my new LG phone, I have incredible reception everywhere!  Can you hear me now?  Good!  Hey is that a body floating out there?”

McG refers to the “red light district” on Kuhio street in Waikiki.  There’s no such thing.  Try instead River Street at midnight, or Queen Street in downtown at about the same time.  That’s where the red light action is.  So I heard.  Allegedly.

The Hawaii chair is absolutely ridiculous.

“Nalowale” means “forgotten” or “missing”.

I’m wondering why Kono can act like a drugged up floozie, or an illegal immigrant (Pilot) but can’t act to save her skin when questioned by a elderly Japanese woman (Hana ‘a’a Makehewa).

Ladies, hate to break it to you, but if you go out on a date with Steve, don’t expect a nice bottle of French wine…expect a $6 bottle of Yellow Tail cabernet sauvignon from South Eastern Australia.  But hey at least you’ll have that to wash down a five pound slab of steak.

Steve McGarrett, Yellow Tail Cabernet Sauvignon

Steve McGarrett-big on steak, cheap on wine?

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About officer808

Investigating Hawaii Five-0 from the inside.
This entry was posted in Things We Learned About Hawaii From Hawaii 5-0, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to “Things We Learned About Hawaii From Hawaii Five-0″, Episode 5, Nalowale, updated rerun edition

  1. Caro says:

    Always looking forward to your blogs………and you never disappoint! Love it!

    I’m a McG girl all the way……..

  2. Linda Stein says:

    Great blog, as usual. I had to laugh because I was thinking the same thing about Kono when I saw Hana ‘a’a Makehewa the first time. “Why are you just smiling at her, say something…” I was saying to the TV.

    I also agree with you about Scott in that bar scene. When he slapped that guy in the face and threatened to break his teeth he was sooooooo James Caan. Scott is definitely his own talent but a little of dad comes through just enough. Scott so deserves to win the GG, I really hope he does. Steve may be the Big Kahuna (how could he not be….. just LOOK at him!!!) but without Danny, Steve would be diminished. They are an absolutely GREAT team!

    As for the $6 bottle of Australian wine…. um…. if I was laying there I wouldn’t care if it was gatoraid and balogna sandwiches!!! 😉

  3. rescuewriter (Vanessa) says:

    LOL Good stuff. Your points about men and their “attributes” had me laughing this morning. What a pleasant way to start the day.

    Also had to laugh at your wine/steak observation. Gotta admit, my mind was a little…um…errr…preoccupied…with other things to notice what kind of wine it was or the size of those steaks.

    My favorite lines from this episode are indeed “You make it to the double pretzel level?”, “Triple banana, bi*ch.”, and “You’re lying.” I laugh everytime I hear that exchange.

    Steve and Danny make perfect partners/buddies. They simply “go together” much in the same way Starsky & Hutch or Gage and DeSoto did. I’ve certainly added them to my mental favorites list along with Neal Caffrey and Peter Burke from White Collar and my all-time favorite brothers, Sam and Dean Winchester from Supernatural. All of them, whether partners, friends, and/or brothers share a certain “brotherhood” and connection which I find quite compelling.

    • Linda Stein says:

      OMG Gage and DeSoto! I used to LOVE that show. Boy are we dating ourselves!!! And you are so right. Steve and Danny definitly fit into that great category!

      As to the “attributes” we always thought it was their hands not their feet that made the statement. Oh well, I think Steve aces it every which way even though I think Danny is hot too. We need to see more of him. Hey writers, does he really HAVE to hate the beach so much?!?!? I bet if Grace wanted to go, her daddy would take her, eh?

    • officer808 says:

      I think a lot of younger people understand the partnership dynamic better since that kind of bantering is common now. And yes, their partnership works out perfectly. But hey you through out a whole bunch of references I’m not familiar with! Either you watch too much TV or I don’t watch enough 😉

  4. hawaiiobsessed says:

    Love this post and your take on things! I loved it when Danno cringed when Alex took out the bad guy with a pipe. They are so good together! Alex is definately the big Kahuna! Did you notice the painting behind the girlfriend and the sister? That is a gorgous painting! If Alex had been in the shot I wouldn’t have noticed it tho… ha ha! Didn’t notice the wine either, if I had been there I wouldn’t have cared!

    • officer808 says:

      Yeah! I didn’t forget about you. I got a vidcap of the painting. It looks familiar, I’ll get back to you on that. There are a few Hawaiian paintings painted in the “Romantic” style of the late 19th century…sweeping landscapes with minimal human presence. I need to find where I saw those…

      • hawaiiobsessed says:

        Thanks! I wondered if the painting would be as pretty this time around and it sure was. I hope you are able to find something out about it. Thank you so much!

  5. BigFanofUndercover says:

    Who the heck are Gage and DeSota? They sound like Conquistadores.
    Cute misleading little bit about the feet. Yeah. Feet.
    Cuz, just like in your pictures, McGarrett wears his badge on his feet.

    Though, as to intellectual ability, you forgot about Steve the Science Guy, so I think that one’s a draw, Dude.

    • Linda Stein says:

      Back in the late 1970’s there was a NBC show called “Emergency” about a hospital ER and a pair of paramedics at a fire house who when out on the calls that ended up in that ER. The show shifted between the firemen and paramedics at the firestation and they calls they went on and the ER at the hospital. Gage and DeSoto were the paramedics. It’s so funny to think about now. That ER was waaayyy before NBC’s “ER” and the hospital scenes were very Marcus Welby. Do you remember that one?? Not very realistic.

    • officer808 says:

      Aurite! My official fan club…you, my friend are President and Charter member 🙂
      Good point on Steve the Science Guy, so if it’s a draw in that category, then McG wins 2-0 over Danno in the Macho Man contest!

  6. pinkie says:

    Bob you are da’ best! Love your reviews.
    Being a Alex girl from way back, I noticed long long long ago that the man has some fabulously big feet. 🙂 But besides that… in defense of Alex’s talent: his portrayal of McGarrett is superb. He doesn’t get all the “Jersey Boy” lines because his character is much more stoic and mysterious. That’s not an easy role to tackle and still make him likable. Alex is a superbly trained actor and anyone who is familiar with some of his other characters knows what I mean.
    Danno was a perfect packaged character tied up in a big yellow bow. Scott carries him off expertly and I hope he takes home that Golden Globe.
    Alex on the other hand makes McGarrett the ultimate hero. He is the guy you want on your side and he delivers that heroism every week. The physicality he puts into his role is just an added bonus.
    I’m hoping that soon they will recognize and give Alex the kudos he so richly deserves. McGarrett is a much tougher role to tackle. Both of these actors are brilliant together and one without the other would be lost.
    Huzzahs for the excellent bromance of Steve & Danno.

    • officer808 says:

      pinkie! Mahalo for your kind words 🙂 I’m in total agreement about your analysis of Scott Caan…the writing and acting talent all comes together for Danno. And I also agree that all the cast are equally talented but haven’t had a chance to shine as much as Scott. Regarding Alex, he made a comment about wanting to “do something naughty” with his character. We all know that since he’s a good guy, he’ll do the right thing in the end, but if we see some internal conflict, that would add additional depth to his character. Case in point…he’s confronted Victor Hesse in a showdown…would it be interesting to see him tempted to end Victor’s life in the heat of combat, rather than bringing the murderer of his father to justice…?

      • Linda Stein says:

        It seems to me that stealing 10 million dollars is a tad naughty, wouldn’t you say? Even though he had every intention of bringing it back, taking it in the first place was a huge no-no that a goody-goody type wouldn’t have even considered. Even Danny who is very by-the-book didn’t hesitate to go along with the plan. There is going to be alot of internal and external conflict when that money is discovered missing. And Steve was wrong at the end of that episode. He said the money has been on ice for over 8 years but Chin said that THREE years ago 200 thousand went missing and he got blamed. So someone was counting that money 3 years ago, not 8. It’s going to come back to bite Steve in the #$(# sooner rather than later.

      • officer808 says:

        Total agreement…stealing the 10 million from the evidence room I think is the start of a slippery slope that McG is walking down, since he will tend to use the most expeditious method rather than the “right” police method. This will come back to haunt him, but I think he may make more rash decisions in the future.

  7. amyvil says:

    You had me cracking up when I read your post, officer bob. Yeah McG and Danno will go down in television history as one of the great cop pairs. They remind me of Sonny Crockett and Ricardo Tubbs although they have a ways to go before they reach the sartorial elegance of those two. Ahh, good times. Love the ahem “attributes” section. I’ll be looking for that special badge whenever I visit the art museum.

    • officer808 says:

      Aloha and thanks for your kind words 🙂 I love the fact that all commenters cite TV from their frame own personal frame of reference…which tells me something about how old we all are 😉

  8. jadore says:

    I am a Danny girl all the way. Not a fan of Alex (OMG!!!), too much over-acting on his part. Scott Caan really makes this show. He deserves any award that comes his way. Hopefully working with Scott, will rub off on Alex.

  9. McPhee says:

    Well, I know when I purchase wine is to drini Yellow Tail yeah! I’m sooo happy to be an Aussie

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