When I wrote this post the first time, I remarked at how clunky the pidgin was between the surfer and Danno. The actor did a stellar job of delivering his lines in pidgin, but we just don’t say it like that! The surfer laid the pidgin thick, like the two thugs Diego and Levi. Chin Ho’s is a lot more subtle. Not long after the episode originally aired, Peter Lenkov took responsibility for the “flip-flop” line (“Eh brah, wear flip-flops next time.”) from Chin Ho, stating that he thought that the world audience would think that the word “slipper” (what we call flip-flops) would make people think about bedroom slippers. Thankfully, the writers got it right the second time around, and in last week’s episode, Chin Ho tells the Yakuza gang member, “Well let’s see if the slipper fits, Cinderella!”
Now for you Haoles, I’ll be more than happy to translate that conversation into the King’s English:
Scene: At the Coral Prince house. McG and Danno are about to start their investigation. A surfer walks up the stairs and sees Danno’s injury.
Surfer: “Ho brah where you wen eat it?”
Translation: “Excuse me, Sir, at what beach did you fall off your surfboard?”
Danno: I’m sorry what?
Surfer: “Da kine brah.”
Translation: “I am referring to your leg, Sir.”
Danno: I’m sorry, are you speaking English?
Surfer: “Eh no need fo’ get aggro!”
Translation: “Indeed! There is no need for that tone!”
McG: “Danno don’t surf, brah.”
Translation: “Ta-ta for now/ok bye.”
Kono and Ben Bass sitting in the tree
Kono begins her side of the investigation and eventually meets up her ex-boyfriend, a guy who in no possible way would pass for a surfer in real life, so we’ll call him Iowa (Josh Dallas). Iowa and Kono have a history of a deep, emotional…friendship. Apparently his nappy hair and her clunky retainers prevented them from having true and eternal love. He takes her to his crib, which in most cases usually means a home run for the team, but alas, home for him is a tent in the Beverly Hills of homeless camps up on the North Shore. He whips out a picture of days gone by, a moment in time frozen where their youth is captured. Kono whispers he’s always had the girls lined up for him, but Ben murmurs back that he’s never got the girl that he really wanted. A long pause… a long glance at each other…he leans over to kiss her…and the moment is interrupted by…
…my wife yelling: “DON’T KISS HER DUDE, SHE’S A CYLON!”
Yes she actually yelled that at the TV. If you’ve been following my blog, you know she has a tendency to blurt. In any case, their lips part not because of my wife’s warning, but because hooligans decide to ruin the party and the young, talented, homeless business executives scatter.
Thanks to the fireworks show with the hunting rifle, Kono thinks Ben may have had a hand in Ian’s murder. She calls him to her office, and Ben walks in with a silly, boyish grin, thinking he’s gonna round second base and steal third. However he gets hugely cop-blocked by Kono’s interrogation:
Kono: “You have a hunting license!”
Ben: “So do most of the guys who grew up on the island, Kono, we hunt!”
Braddah Ben- you’re such a Townie that the only hunting you do is for organically raised and humanely killed steak at Whole Foods Market. You not fooling anyone, brah! I’m a local and I hunt for food at Foodland, mainly for Spam.
In the end apologies are made, but Iowa, your window has closed. Go back to the beach and collect some water samples.
A needle in a haystack? No problem!
Meanwhile, McGarrett, Danno and Chin Ho follow their own leads. Their detective work is so super awesome that they find shell casings in scrub brush ten city blocks across. I can’t even find my keys in my own house sometimes. That’s some pretty good detective work.
Surfing is Hawaii’s gift to the world
Surfing is Hawaii’s gift to the world- a past time started by Hawaiians and now adopted by many around the world. The “Kapu” is loosely modeled after “da Hui”, a surfing club that started in the 1970s. Like their TV counterparts, da Hui was very protective of their land and were deeply connected to the Hawaiian culture. The episode showed another aspect of the surfing culture as well. Young surfing guns doing what they love to do eventually at some point go corporate and eventually turn into the businessmen they never thought they’d be. The best part of the episode though, is the surfer’s tribute to Ian. Led by the kahuna [spiritual leader] played by Butch Helemano and with Israel Kamakawiwoole’s Hawaii 78 playing in the background was a moving scene. Likewise, surfer Andy Irons’ memorial and the scattering of his ashes a few months ago was even more immense in scope.
And without further ado, Things We Learned About Hawaii from Hawaii Five-0:
1) If you didn’t catch it in the first few episodes, we hate Haoles (in all seriousness, this is wearing thin on me). Local Haoles we can handle. But the real Haoles, they stole our land, raised our taxes, built Costco. Oh wait, we like Costco. Local criminal Haoles get fair treatment. But if you from out of town, Mr. Haole criminal, you will get your a$$ hung off a building or thrown into a shark cage.
2) All us locals surf. All us locals hunt. Some locals hunt surfers.
3) Like bourbon is to a proper gentleman, Blue Hawaiis with pineapple slice and umbrella is the drink of choice for the roughest, toughest surfers.
4) The homeless people in Downtown are the methheads, *everyone* knows that! Up in the North Shore, the homeless are young, beautiful, affluent, with adorable children who are great with handicrafts and playing the ukulele.
Did you notice…?
It’s cool to be rationally concerned, not cool to be scared.
“Ko’olauloa” refers to the northern part of Oahu.
“Katonk Bike Rentals” was a moped rental company. “Katonk” is pidgin for an Asian born on the mainland.