“Things We Learned About Hawaii from Hawaii Five-0″, Episode 6, Ko’olauloa, updated rerun edition

Hawaii Five-0, Ko'olauloa

"Ko'olauloa", Photo: Sonja Flemming/CBS


When I wrote this post the first time, I remarked at how clunky the pidgin was between the surfer and Danno.  The actor did a stellar job of delivering his lines in pidgin, but we just don’t say it like that!  The surfer laid the pidgin thick, like the two thugs Diego and Levi.  Chin Ho’s is a lot more subtle.  Not long after the episode originally aired, Peter Lenkov took responsibility for the “flip-flop” line (“Eh brah, wear flip-flops next time.”) from Chin Ho, stating that he thought that the world audience would think that the word “slipper” (what we call flip-flops) would make people think about bedroom slippers.  Thankfully, the writers got it right the second time around, and in last week’s episode, Chin Ho tells the Yakuza gang member, “Well let’s see if the slipper fits, Cinderella!”

Now for you Haoles, I’ll be more than happy to translate that conversation into the King’s English:

Scene: At the Coral Prince house.  McG and Danno are about to start their investigation.  A surfer walks up the stairs and sees Danno’s injury.

Surfer: “Ho brah where you wen eat it?”
Translation: “Excuse me, Sir, at what beach did you fall off your surfboard?”

Danno: I’m sorry what?

Surfer: “Da kine brah.”
Translation: “I am referring to your leg, Sir.”

Danno: I’m sorry, are you speaking English?

Surfer: “Eh no need fo’ get aggro!”
Translation: “Indeed! There is no need for that tone!”

McG: “Danno don’t surf, brah.”

Surfer: “Shoots.”
Translation: “Ta-ta for now/ok bye.”

Kono and Ben Bass sitting in the tree

Kono begins her side of the investigation and eventually meets up her ex-boyfriend, a guy who in no possible way would pass for a surfer in real life, so we’ll call him Iowa (Josh Dallas).  Iowa and Kono have a history of a deep, emotional…friendship.  Apparently his nappy hair and her clunky retainers prevented them from having true and eternal love.  He takes her to his crib, which in most cases usually means a home run for the team, but alas, home for him is a tent in the Beverly Hills of homeless camps up on the North Shore.  He whips out a picture of days gone by, a moment in time frozen where their youth is captured.  Kono whispers he’s always had the girls lined up for him, but Ben murmurs back that he’s never got the girl that he really wanted.  A long pause… a long glance at each other…he leans over to kiss her…and the moment is interrupted by…

…my wife yelling: “DON’T KISS HER DUDE, SHE’S A CYLON!”

Yes she actually yelled that at the TV.  If you’ve been following my blog, you know she has a tendency to blurt.  In any case, their lips part not because of my wife’s warning, but because hooligans decide to ruin the party and the young, talented, homeless business executives scatter.

Thanks to the fireworks show with the hunting rifle, Kono thinks Ben may have had a hand in Ian’s murder.  She calls him to her office, and Ben walks in with a silly, boyish grin, thinking he’s gonna round second base and steal third.  However he gets hugely cop-blocked by Kono’s interrogation:

Kono:  “You have a hunting license!”
Ben:  “So do most of the guys who grew up on the island, Kono, we hunt!”

Braddah Ben- you’re such a Townie that the only hunting you do is for organically raised and humanely killed steak at Whole Foods Market.  You not fooling anyone, brah!  I’m a local and I hunt for food at Foodland, mainly for Spam.

In the end apologies are made, but Iowa, your window has closed.  Go back to the beach and collect some water samples.

A needle in a haystack? No problem!

Meanwhile, McGarrett, Danno and Chin Ho follow their own leads.  Their detective work is so super awesome that they find shell casings in scrub brush ten city blocks across.  I can’t even find my keys in my own house sometimes.  That’s some pretty good detective work.

Surfing is Hawaii’s gift to the world

Surfing is Hawaii’s gift to the world- a past time started by Hawaiians and now adopted by many around the world.  The “Kapu” is loosely modeled after “da Hui”, a surfing club that started in the 1970s.  Like their TV counterparts, da Hui was very protective of their land and were deeply connected to the Hawaiian culture.  The episode showed another aspect of the surfing culture as well.  Young surfing guns doing what they love to do eventually at some point go corporate and eventually turn into the businessmen they never thought they’d be.  The best part of the episode though, is the surfer’s tribute to Ian.  Led by the kahuna [spiritual leader] played by Butch Helemano and with Israel Kamakawiwoole’s Hawaii 78 playing in the background was a moving scene.  Likewise, surfer Andy Irons’ memorial and the scattering of his ashes a few months ago was even more immense in scope.

And without further ado, Things We Learned About Hawaii from Hawaii Five-0:

1) If you didn’t catch it in the first few episodes, we hate Haoles  (in all seriousness, this is wearing thin on me).  Local Haoles we can handle. But the real Haoles, they stole our land, raised our taxes, built Costco. Oh wait, we like Costco.  Local criminal Haoles get fair treatment. But if you from out of town, Mr. Haole criminal, you will get your a$$ hung off a building or thrown into a shark cage.

2) All us locals surf. All us locals hunt. Some locals hunt surfers.

3) Like bourbon is to a proper gentleman, Blue Hawaiis with pineapple slice and umbrella is the drink of choice for the roughest, toughest surfers.

4) The homeless people in Downtown are the methheads, *everyone* knows that! Up in the North Shore, the homeless are young, beautiful, affluent, with adorable children who are great with handicrafts and playing the ukulele.

Did you notice…?

It’s cool to be rationally concerned, not cool to be scared.

“Ko’olauloa” refers to the northern part of Oahu.

“Katonk Bike Rentals” was a moped rental company.  “Katonk” is pidgin for an Asian born on the mainland.


About officer808

Investigating Hawaii Five-0 from the inside.
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10 Responses to “Things We Learned About Hawaii from Hawaii Five-0″, Episode 6, Ko’olauloa, updated rerun edition

  1. Linda Stein says:

    It was great to see an older episode and see how the show has grown in just the few short months it’s been on. The relationships between the team was just beginning to really gel in this episode, Steve still knew how to smile, and they were all still so protective of Kono. It was nice to see again. This is why re-runs don’t freak me out too much, as long as there aren’t too many of them 😉

    As to your reference to slippers… I live in Philadephia and while I’ve been up and down the east coast on trips several times I have never been further west than Pittsburgh (oh God, that’s sad!) Anyway I have to agree that if I heard Chin tell Danny to wear slippers I would have thought “ok, how do fuzzy bedroom shoes pick up less sand than loafers?” What they could have done in that spot was have Chin say slippers and have Danny ask him what the hell he was talking about. But since 2 seconds later Danny was feeling clueless because he didn’t understand pidgin it would have been an entire scene basically making fun at Danny expense which I don’t think the writers wanted to do. Flip flops is universally understood and just made things easier. In the later episode Chin said slippers because a) it’s several months later and we now understand what slippers are OR b) the reference was Cinderella and had nothing to do with flip flops anyway. She wore “glass slippers” in the story.

    2 favorite scenes for me: Danny fearing for his life AGAIN with Steve driving. Best line: This is not a road…..it’s dirt on a cliff. 2nd favorite scene: Steve and Chin on the dirt bikes. They were off on a job but have a blast getting there!

    IMHO not one of the strongest episodes but a fun one. With the story getting deeper into Steve’s parents murders, Wo-Fat, whatever John was working on when he died, etc, many episodes will be edgy and heavy. You need an episode like this one every now and then just to breathe. Besides my hubby got to see Grace in a bikini TWICE in one episode!

    • Cecile says:

      ‘Steve still knew how to smile’

      Yeah, the past few episodes were really dark compared to the first ones. And there’s a really big contrast between the opening sequence, which is usually violent, and the cool, enthusiastic theme. I love the theme and the credits, but it’s weird compared to the drama of the opening !

  2. hawaiiobsessed says:

    I laughed out loud at your wife’s comment. You wrote it perfectly…. I was waiting for the “interrrupted by…. dirt bikes” and it surprised me. The ending of this episode is so amazingly beautiful and touching, Bruddah Iz. What can you say? The pidgin was pretty thick, love your translation. It was nice to have an episode not quite so heavy. Nothing against “Iowa” but he wasn’t believable to me as a local and surfer and hunter etc. etc. Loved it when Danny said “are you speaking English?” and love the line about it’s not a road it is dirt on a cliff! Ha ha. Also, I think when Diego and Levi saw that “truck” ( can’t think of a descriptive enough phrase here!) drive up they should have known it was the Kapu guy right away. It isn’t like there are many of those around! Maybe that truck could have its own recurring role…. I can’t find my keys either, do you think the 5-0 team would come help me? I am glad you don’t hate all Haoles…..all the time…. :>)

  3. Lydia Alcala' says:

    This is one of my favorite episodes, just for the end scene. The Memorial makes me tear up everytime. Its so Beautiful. IZ singing that Beautiful song makes the whole scene Amazing. From the firs time I heard that song it has Moved me. Love Hawaii & Hawaii Five-0. Thanks =)

  4. jlopie (Lynnette) says:

    I liked this episode better the second time around. The first time, I wasn’t that excited about Kono, she seemed a little unbelievable as a professional surfer, and the guy playing Ben Bass? Just could not picture him a surfer, even with all that hair he had when young. Also hard to take Hercules as a bad guy! He was my hero!

    But the second time around, after all the episodes in between, I could see the growth and development the series has accomplished. It’s kind of funny to be saying this about a series that’s only half way through it’s first season, but I think it’s fair. The first 6 or 7 episodes were pretty simple and predictable in style. I’m not saying this in a derogatory way! I simply mean the writers spent a lot of time introducing the characters and developing relationships and personalities that are recognizable. We, the fans, were given time to identify with the characters, pick our favorites, root for them all, etc. (And by studying all the discussion boards and fanpages, it’s pretty obvious fans are more than willing to let everyone else know who their favorites are!)We now know what to expect from each of the 4 main characters in their approaches to situations. Thus, the story lines were fairly simple, even though the action was exciting and fast-paced.

    So I have to say I can enjoy the more simple story of “Ko’olauloa” this time around. I was able to actually see at the lushness of the scenery and listen to the beautiful music without having to spend my time worrying about what was happening in the story.

    Now – we are so ready to move on to sustained mysteries and story arcs in the second part of the season. I don’t know anything about putting together a winning television series, but seems to me the H5-0 producers have been doing everything right so far!

  5. c3llen says:

    We could pretend that Chin called them flip flops because DANNY wouldn’t have understood the reference. That way the rest of us don’t have to look like we are not in the ‘know’

  6. Steven says:

    I’m just watching these episodes for the first time as I’m in the UK and came across your blog. I actually started watching the show because Grace Park is unbelievably hot, but much like your wife I may have snarked something along the lines of ‘and that’s when she shoots him in the chest like Adama’ when he kissed her.

    By en by, does anyone know what ocean preserve company Ben was supposed to be working for? and was it real or fictional?

    Anyway, thanks for the funny review. I’ll look up the earlier ones and as I watch more eps I’ll check out later ones.

    • officer808 says:

      Mahalo Steven for checking out my blog! Lots of good tidbits in the recaps 🙂 The name of the company eludes me right now, I’ll get back to you on that, but I’m pretty sure it’s fictional. Tell your friends who love the show to check out the blog!

      • Steven says:

        I Shall indeed. I have a fondness for all things Hawai’i since I had a vacation there when I was in my early twenties. I even entertained notions of moving there one day before my emigration plans fell apart.

        Also, as someone who is a balding, overweight 30 something who loves to surf, I’m intrigued by the idea that neither Kono nor Ben ‘looked’ like surfers. Is there an ISO9000 standard surfer look that I’m not aware of? 🙂

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